I first  met Marina in 2007 when I was spending a month in Napier,NZ, checking out jobs,immigration laws,etc with the intent of moving to NZ permanently.
It was during Napier’s famous “Art Deco” winter Festival and I heard her before I saw her-she was bargaining at one of the stalls in the Antique Fair. She had strong unmistakable Russian accent, just like mine.
I was curious to meet this woman, so I went over and threw a famous Russian movie quote at her. She turned around sharply and answered straight away-Marina was famous for her quick wit.
We started talking and soon her husband (a Kiwi guy) joined us. We ended up in a cafe with a bottle of wine talking for hours.
It turned out Marina and her husband had an Immigration consulting business. They explained a lot of things to me and very shortly it became clear that if I wanted to migrate to New Zealand, the time was NOW.
I am pretty light on my feet and able to make decisions fast; I’ve rang my then-husband and told him to book the ticket for NZ in 3 week’s time. I wanted Carl (ex-husband) to start the paperwork,etc from inside of NZ. In the meantime, I was going back to US to sell my business, most of my belongings,rent out my house and organise the shipment of whatever stuff I wanted to bring over.
I had Carl hire Marina and David (her husband) to start residency application process. I found their fees reasonable and, more importantly, they possessed the knowledge of intricate details and nuances of NZ Immigration. They also knew a lot of people who could help with various auxiliary requirements.
To this day, I am quite happy that I’ve used Marina’s services, as NZ Immigration seems to like paperwork submitted by consultants-it is assumed that such people know what they are doing and they simplify Immigration Officer’s job (on the other hand, US Immigration absolutely hates it when you use a lawyer-they take it as a personal insult and try to “bury” your application).
Carl and I had our Residency in about 6 months with very little hassle; the only “hiccup” was the fact that we were married in Las Vegas (where Carl was born and lived all his life,BTW, and I’ve spent 11 years in). Apparently, “Vegas” wedding is an automatic “red flag” and we were asked to supply additional photos and letters from friends and relatives verifying that our relationship was “genuine”. That wasn’t a problem, as by then we were married for 3 years and dated on and off for 16 years (see my post “Husband #4″).
I know of  people who’s been in NZ for years now and still don’t have permanent Residency-it is my firm believe that’s because they’re doing the paperwork themselves and not using the consultants.

Anyway, Marina, David,Carl and I became friends: we went to each other houses for drinks and I’ve introduced them to some of my friends.
Marina told me about her life. She moved to NZ when she was in her early 20′s and worked as PA in some firm. Marina had Doctor’s Degree from Russia (Holistic medicine). At one point she was practicing holistic medicine from an office in her house in Napier-she even had papers published on the subject.
When she met David (over a decade prior), he owned a factory, which she helped him sell at substantial profit (that was back when economy was doing great).
In 2007, though, it appeared that neither Marina nor David had regular jobs and their Immigration business wasn’t bringing much revenue. I remember one time  receiving a phone call from David asking for the next installment payment for their consulting services early, as they were “short” that month.
Yet they still went out and maintained their house “on the Hill” (Napier’s version of a “better” neighbourhood .
Marina was absolutely beautiful: tall, slender,yet curvy in all the right places with short blond hair, she had unmistakable elegance and unique sense of style. She was intelligent, funny, great conversationalist. She told us endless stories of her and David’s travels (it seemed they used to travel a lot-I’ve seen photos from all over the world).
Marina and David didn’t have children together, but David had a son from previous marriage.
It became apparent fairly quickly that Marina liked wine (white was her preference), yet I’ve never seen her really drunk, not in the first few months.
As time went on, I’ve organised employment for a Russian couple (Lena and Vladimir) who were awaiting their Residency and using Marina’s Immigration consulting service. The job was at one of the restaurants I worked for at the time.
One night Lena,Vladimir and I were doing the final clean-up and somehow the subject of Marina came up.
That’s when I found out that Marina was a binge drinker. According to Lena and Vladimir,  she would sometimes start with just a glass of white wine and would not stop for days.
Her husband would try to stop her by not supplying alcohol and not letting her leave the house, but she would contact Vladimir and beg him to bring her a bottle and hide it in the mailbox for her to pick up. Things were getting ugly,as upon discovery, David threatened Vladimir with withdrawal of his Immigration papers (neither Lena nor Vladimir spoke English well enough to embark on the process themselves) if he continued to supply the wine, but then Marina would text him and threaten him with exact same thing if he didn’t!
Poor couple felt they were between a rock and a hard place: they had a son, they left their home country behind to give him a better future and they were totally dependent on the whims of David and Marina!
Later I’ve talked to some other members of Russian community in Hawkes Bay and the full picture emerged:
Marina started having her binge drinking spells long time ago, but at first it was just a few days at a time. then it became few weeks… By 2008 it became more than a month at a time.
She had a lot of friends and some were aware of the problem and some weren’t: when she was “on the bend”, David kept her in the house, did not receive visitors and turned down all invitations, saying that Marina”wasn’t feeling well” or was “away in Auckland visiting her mother”.
Those who knew of Marina’s problem were powerless to do anything, as she never admitted she had one.
David tried to check her into rehab, but according to NZ laws, a person cannot be kept in there against their will, regardless of testimony of spouses,partners or family members. So as soon as Marina sobered up, she just asked to be let out.
In the meantime, things were getting progressively worse: drunken binges went on for months without hardly any breaks in between. Defeated, David moved out of the house.
I received a phone call from one of my Kiwi friends one day, saying that he saw Marina staggering drunkenly up the hill. When he tried to talk to her, she offered him sex for a bottle of wine (Marina was NEVER a sex worker). He didn’t take her up on that, but he didn’t know what to do, so he rang me. I didn’t know what to do, either.
I called Marina and she was chatting to me like everything was perfectly OK. She told me she self-published a book and asked me to come over for a copy. When I agreed, she asked me to bring a bottle of wine,as she “forgot to buy one when she was at the store”.
When I saw Marina that day, she looked awful: her normally beautiful face was bloated and she had a “black eye”. When I asked her about it, she laughed it off, saying that she “walked into a door frame”. She poured wine straight away and her glass was empty within 3 minutes. After some talk about perils of self-publishing and costs of it and another glass of wine for Marina (I wasn’t touching mine), she asked me for a “contribution” for her new book. It would’ve been really rude to refuse, so I gave her $40. By the end of our conversation she asked if I was going to drink my wine and when I said “no”, she took my glass and polished that off as well.
I really didn’t know how to breach the subject of drinking: Marina acted as if she was perfectly happy and nothing was wrong. She didn’t complain of being depressed or unhappy, she didn’t mention any problems at all-was just chatting away
.
3 months later a got a call from Lena and Vladimir: David went to check up on Marina and found her dead, face down in her own vomit. Because he refused autopsy, we will never know if her heart just stopped beating or if she’s drowned in her vomit. She was 45.
At the funeral, several people spoke. One was an owner of a famous vineyard-he was very good friend of David and Marina’s for years. He wanted us to remember her as vibrant and beautiful person that she was, so he talked of all the good times, remembering various amusing anecdotes.
In contrast, Marina’s brother’s speech was somber. He said : “She helped so many people, yet no one helped her when she needed it the most. We shall all forever wonder if there was something any of us could do to prevent this tragedy”. He also expressed his anger with the system that allowed this to happen: in Russia he would’ve been able to commit her to a rehab against her will and maybe save her..
After we buried Marina, several of us, close friends, came back to the house and talked: we tried to figure out what, if anything, we could’ve done… We couldn’t come up with anything….
To this day I wonder what was it inside Marina that drove her to distraction. The problem with us, Russians (especially older generations) is that we don’t really talk about our inner conundrums: we were raised to be stoic and to endure. We had to “hold out shit together” and not fall apart-that was considered a weakness and disgrace.We never blamed others-we always blamed ourselves.
I know Marina was brought up that way. Something was eating at her, making her deeply unhappy. She was clearly not satisfied with the state of her being. I can’t begin to guess what it might been: absence of children, material wealth or peer recognition and fame? I will never know. She found the way to deal with it-she drowned it in alcohol.
http://s1248.photobucket.com/albums/hh489/yanatherussian/

I think that if one is really serious about hers/his moral convictions and it is important to them to maintain high level of integrity regarding those, then motel business is probably not the best for them.
Let’s face it: some sort of illicit or immoral activity goes on in any given motel if not on a daily, then definitely on a weekly basis:
Where do married people go for their trysts when they’re having affairs? Motels
Where do young unwed people go to have a bit of a “roll in the hay”? Motels
What about all the  guys who stop for a night, go out for a drink and return with a lady for a one night stand?
How many children were conceived in motel rooms? How many of those out of a wedlock? Or from a person other than one’s spouse/partner?

When a couple checks in as “Mr.& Mrs. Jones”, how does motel manager/owner know that they really ARE,in fact, a married couple and, more importantly, married to each other? This made even more difficult in this day and age when a lot of couples are living in “de-facto” marriage (not formerly registered with the State or Church).
Where does one draw a line?
How about this scenario: what if as a female sex worker I would see only female clients on my road trips? Then there would be no “steady stream of single males” (as someone put it) to my room and I can always claim that I am visiting and catching up with all my “girlfriends” from the area-will the motel owner ask me to leave then? On what grounds?
Or what if I am travelling with my actual girlfriend (or a wife, as case may be)? As I am very affectionate, we would be seen going in and out of the room holding hands and hugging with occasional peck on the cheek.. Will we be asked to leave?
Someone mentioned that motel owners have every right to ask me to leave as I am conducting “commercial activities” on their premises.. OK, fair enough..
How about freelance writers/journalists who travel and write from their motel rooms? Those activities are certainly “commercial”,as they are getting paid for their labours. They often interview people from their rooms as well…
Or a travelling salespeople? They conduct a LOT of business from their hotel rooms: phone calls,emails,meetings..
Or head-hunters/recruiters? They could be either male or female and, depending on which company/position they are recruiting for, there could very well be a “steady stream of male visitors” to the room…

My point is, people go into the business of owning/managing a motel with an open eyes: their income is derived from leasing rooms for short-term stays. The goal is to keep premises 100% (or very close to it) leased all the time, otherwise expensive real estate just sits there producing no income.
It is perfectly fine to create a set of rules for using your premises, such as:
-no smoking
-no loud music
-no visitors after 10 pm
-no parties
-dressed and covered up appropriately while outside of the room and using public facilities (such as pool and spa)
-no offensive language
-no illegal activities
In fact, a form could be created stating these rules clearly and asking each guest to sign and initial those upon arrival. This way there are no surprises and everyone and anyone who violates those rules could be asked to leave.
But if owners start picking and choosing which rules they want to enforce at any given time and with which particular guests, it’s a slippery slope: before long they will either have no business or a big law suit on their hands (or both). Because, let’s face it, even if you’re running a motel in US’s “Bible Belt”, you are still subject to the laws of the country and if you are even suspected of discrimination, you’ll loose you life’s savings in endless class action law suits.

It’s the same in every industry: we can’t pick and choose our customers. Take retail, for instance: the most obnoxious and rude customers are usually the ones who have extensive wealth. They are demanding, often disrespectful, treat salespeople like shit and break all the rules. yet when they spend, they spend big and so shops go out of their way to accommodate them.
This is very common in US: when someone famous or someone who is known to have a lot of money wants to shop in a store, that store owner/manager closes the access to public, so “the whale” can take his time and not be bothered by “peasants’.
Is it right,wrong or different? I don’t have an answer. It’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

In US there is a famous saying: money talks and bullshit walks. Crude as it is, at the end of the day that’s what business is all about-making money.

I checked out of motel who’s owner asked me to leave and went to a place where I’ve stayed on my last trip. The manager was a pleasant Asian lady. Not only she recognised me from my previous stay(over 3 months ago!), as she commented on my new haircut (it’s a very popular and very successful sales technique-letting your client know that you’ve remembered them. It makes the person feel special, more than just a “number” and they’re inclined to do more business), she was happy to check me in at 10 am, gave me a free upgrade on the room and didn’t charge me for newspaper and magazines.
Clearly this person has very clear understanding of her business objective: putting more money in the till, especially in these trying economic times

I am very quiet while conducting my business (and when I am relaxing).
I don’t play loud music,don’t smoke or do drugs.
I don’t hang outside of my room in my “working” attire-in fact, every time I go out, I dress pretty demurely.
My clients are the types that like discretion, so they try to sneak in and out with as little fuss as possible,making no noise.
I schedule my bookings very carefully, so there is never any kind of “overlap” which means no one ever loiters on the premises waiting for his appointment.
I only see clients during the day (I don’t work past 8 pm), so no one comes and goes at night (I am usually tucked in bed snugly by 10pm).
So all this blows the whole “family” thing out of the water-how are “families” affected by my business?
Another thing that puzzles me: New Zealand prides itself in being open-minded (and most people I’ve met, actually ARE open-minded), yet in this time of economic crunch, felt by everyone and definitely motel owners in small towns like the one I’m in at the moment), people choose to ride their high moral horse and reject my Platinum Visa.
The motel I’m staying in only has 3 cars (including mine) in the parking lot (and that’s in the middle of peak public holiday season), yet the owner forgoes the profit for dubious “righteousness”… This just blows me away, as it makes no sense at all.
I have to say, I was wondering about that owner when I checked in yesterday: I walked into reception asking for rates and when I found them satisfactory, I told him I wanted to book a room for 3 nights, yet instead of running my credit card,as all the hotels/motels do, he said he would write down the number and charge me at the end. This is highly irregular and I wonder if he perhaps a lurker on New Zealand Girls (http://www.newzealandgirls.co.nz-nz’s/ largest online advertising medium for sex workers) or Adult Forum (http://www.adultforum.co.nz/- (http://www.adultforum.co.nz/  -NZ’s largest online forum for working girls and clients). As I show my face in my ads and my website (http://www.courtesansboudoir.com/), he might have recognised me or thought I looked familiar and didn’t charge my card to avoid issuing a refund.

In contrast, when I was working in New Plymouth for 4 days, not only the owner happily and eagerly extended my stay for 2 nights when I requested it, he solicitously asked me if I needed extra towels and clearly instructed the maid not to bother me,as she knocked on the door carefully and often tried to clean the room early, when I went out for coffee. That owner was Chinese, by the way. Not that I’m trying to make generalisations, just stating the facts

The reasons we fall “out of love” are many and not always easy to pinpoint. Sometimes it’s something very particular, sometimes it’s just a sense that one “lost that lovely feeling”. It’s not any one’s fault and not always a third party is involved.
A lot of people, especially ones who’s been in the relationship for a while, dread telling their partner and just pretend everything is “hunky dory” when quite the opposite is true.
Trouble is, no matter what, other party senses that something is wrong. That’s how all those dreadful “we need to talk” conversations start-your partner is trying to get reassurance from you, to quell their insecurities.
The truth is, once you started on that road, you are “on your way out”. You may not consciously think that…yet… You may not make any “escape” plans…yet… But you are walking away. And sooner or later, you will be out of that door never to be seen again (at least, not in the “lover/partner” capacity).
No amount of counselling or therapy will cure the situation. There is no point to look for reasons or try to rationalise as to why you’re feeling that way, as often there is no rational reason. You’re just “done” with that particular person, as far as intimacy,romance and commitment are concern. Yes, you might still care about them or even love them, but you are not IN LOVE with them anymore.
It’s not always that you want to be with someone else-often there is not a “someone else” in sight-you just don’t want to be with your partner anymore.
Last week a woman walked in the brothel I work at. That particular brothel has a sign in front inviting everyone and anyone to “come in for a free tour”.
My ears perked-finally, a lady client! I was getting excited. The woman looked pretty average,kind of plain, actually, wearing loose unfashionable ill-fitting slacks and top, no make-up and frizzy hair arranged in a messy bun.
Receptionist asked how she could help and the woman asked for a tour. Trish (the receptionist) asked if the woman was planning to stay. Woman got somewhat agitated and said: “It says “a free tour” upfront, I want a tour”.
So Trish obligingly took her around. I trailed behind, as my curiosity was peaked and I wanted to keep an eye on things,as situation was beginning to look somewhat dodgy.
Not even 20 sec into the tour the REAL reason for woman’s visit became apparent: her husband has left her and she found out (I can only wonder how-spying and following him,perhaps) that he is a frequent client at the parlour. She also knew the names of the girls he sees (again, I wonder how that happened-did she go through his phone? If so, were the girls giving him their phone numbers?)
Woman said she wanted to see the place with her own eyes and TO BOOK the girls her husband’s been seeing (neither one of those girls was on). She said she wanted to see what it was her husband felt he was missing with her.
Trish and I talked her out of booking the girls-it would do absolutely no good and achieve no purpose except for making everyone uncomfortable and the woman even more insecure. We tried to explain to her that girls don’t want her husband-they want his money and to get it, they are selling him A FANTASY.
But even more important point (which we didn’t bring up) is that her husband didn’t leave her because he started going to the parlour. Obviously, we would never know what the reasons were, but he no longer wanted to be with his wife.
No amount of make-up or sexy lingerie would rectify that. Yes, it could spice things up in the bedroom for a while (maybe), but, ultimately, the relationship has run it’s course.
I’ve been in the situation myself: before I finally left my last husband, I was “on my way out” for about 10 months. He told my later that he sensed it and had a feeling I was going to leave, but was too afraid to bring it up, because he thought it would make me leave even sooner. I honestly wish he’d confronted me-it would make things simpler and would save him months of uncertainty and heartache.
I am trying to look back at it and remember what exactly went through my head and all I can come up with is the fact that I simply didn’t want to be with him any more. Yes, I could rationalise a lot of reasons WHY, but the bottom line is that I’ve been with other people who had the same flaws as my ex-husband, but I overlooked them,because I WANTED to be with them. No one is perfect, everyone is flawed, yet we stay with people and love them regardless. We put up with their idiosyncrasies and annoying traits… Until we fall out of love with them-and then the bickering and pointing of the fingers starts.
So many people make the mistake of thinking that “it all could be worked out”. They feel that all they need to do is to point out to their partner what exactly is causing the way they feel, how irrational it is,etc. They dilute themselves and prolong their agony. The person will listen, maybe stay for a while longer, but, ultimately, they will be gone. it’s just the matter of time.
Yes, there are cases (very few and far in between,a whole lot less than what most people imagine) when the person is mistaken in thinking that relationship is over and the love is gone. Usually, there are serious circumstances involved. The best course of action, in my opinion, is to let them go. Yes, just cut any and all contact. No, don’t be “just friends”, no you don’t need to follow them on Twitter and Facebook. Just cut them off completely.
Yes, it is very scary if you’re still in love with them-there is a very good chance (more than 50%) you’ll never see them again. However, if they do still love you and truly want to be with you, they WILL be back. And it will be on YOUR terms. It does happen.
Prince William and Kate Middleton is a very good example.
As most of you know, they broke up about a year and half before he proposed. Or, rather, he left her. He was gone from her life completely for 3 months. She was smart enough not go crazy with partying, etc and not try to contact him. She really did think they were through.
And then he realised he cannot be without her. He needed her and wanted her in his life. When he came back, he didn’t come bearing an engagement ring, either. He just told her that she was the one he wants to be with. And she didn’t make a fuss-just took him back. Obviously, she felt the same.
Looking at them now, it is apparent that they truly complement each other and are a well-matched couple. Their relationship stood the test of time.
However, this is an exception rather than the rule.
A friend of mine has been going through a yo-yo situation for a while now. Her boyfriend is clearly “on his way out” (clear to everyone, but her), yet every time he breaks up with her, she says to him things like “I don’t accept it”, “You only feel this way because you’re under stress”, “You say this because you’re an unhappy person, so you’re projecting this onto our relationship”… The list is endless,as she’s been in therapy for years and knows a lot (and I mean A LOT) of various gimmick phrases. Although she manages to keep him around, neither one of them is happy: him thinking that he’s being forced into something he doesn’t want to do and her in constant fear of him leaving. To me it doesn’t make any sense: both of them are wasting valuable time (as life IS short) that would’ve been spent more wisely  finding someone else or nurturing yourself (even more important).

When someone want to leave, let them go,set them free. Yes, it is incredibly painful sometimes-one study in the Journal of Neurophysiology found merely thinking of your departed lover (partner) activates the parts of our brain associated with craving, addiction,pain and distress. Our neural responses actually mirror those of a drug addicts in withdrawal, so it’s no wonder you feel so crap. But,speaking from experience, time does heal all. With time it will get better. And you just might discover all the things you weren’t able to while you were with your partner-sometimes, much better things ))

So far I’ve noticed few things that were not obvious to me when I worked for agencies/parlours.

The main one: I am very happy with my decision to show my face in my ads. Granted, I am in a very unique situation: I have no partner, kids, day time job, my parents live far away, don’t speak English and don’t know how to use a computer, much less own one, all my friends and associates know exactly what I do for a living and support me (link to my blog is on my FB mast..hehehe..), my next “legitimate” job will be a Manager of the parlour, where all this experience is a huge PLUS, not a minus, so it doesn’t matter that people might look me up online and recognise me on the street (I certainly do NOT advocate showing of a face in the ads for average working girl who only does the job for a while as means to an end).
As a result of my face clearly visible on the photos, I only get calls from prospective clients who like what they see and are genuinely interested in a booking. They may not book for the day they’ve called, but they definitely will in the future. So I only get a few phone calls a day and all the conversations are pleasant.
Also, I no longer have to put up with endless questions that seem pointless. And I came to a stark realisation as to why: a lot of times, when the photos don’t show a face and most of the body is covered by a dress, guys call and ask questions in an attempt to figure out  girl’s true age and condition of the body (whether or not there are stretch marks, how toned,etc).
As my flatmate, who is a professional actress (she’s done a voice-over for one of the characters in Tintin,as a matter of fact) pointed out, a woman could make herself sound younger on the phone by bringing her voice an octave or two higher…
When I travel for work into small towns, newspaper is the best advertising media, but, as lots of girls lie in the ads about their age,size,etc, I am usually inundated by avalanche of phone calls. It gets annoying after a while, but now I understand  a lot better the reason for that..
As I didn’t have any photoshopping done on my images, when the client arrives, he gets exactly what he saw on the photos, which eliminates unpleasant conversations and awkwardness: the whole thing is going much smoother (the reason I say this is because when I worked in a parlour which specialised in “young,new” girls, my face was “blooped” on the photos. As I’ve never had kids and take good care of myself, my body is slim and tight and, depending on what sort of clothes I wear (say, a schoolgirl outfit), one might assume that I’m in my early twenties. Then they turn up and feel disappointed because they realise that I am older. However, having said that, I hardly ever lost a booking for that reason, as I usually quickly stripped and once they saw the boobies and the rest of it, the deal was in the bag…LOL..).
Another advantage of working for myself is the fact that I really do have more freedom. The last place I worked for was very accomodating and the owner let me be “on call”, but that place was also really busy and often she took booking for “now” or even had the client come in and THEN told him I was available, so I frequently found myself in the middle of my walk or shopping across town when the phone rang and she wanted me to be in the parlour within minutes. It was stressful,as I had to run (literally) not to make the client wait too long and then arrived out of breath and not looking my best (certainly not relaxed).
These days I explain to clients that in order for them to have truly relaxing, un-rushed experience, they need to plan a bit in advance: this way I will be waiting for them, dressed in sexy clothes, with candles lit, fresh make-up on and smelling good .
Which brings another subject: accomodation. A lot of clients seem to confuse private set-up with parlour (or even agency) set-up.
Private girls make arrangements for “working” premises. Sometimes it’s a hotel. But recently another option emerged, which I find quite helpful and better in many ways.
These days “agencies” are quite popular: the owner rents an apartment (or several) and advertises on a website. Bookings are made by phone, for a particular girl at a particular time (girls photos and stats are displayed on the website). When a client arrives, the girl he booked (hopefully ) awaits for him at the apartment.
As working girls could be unreliable at times, owners prefer to have them physically come in for a shift (they usually sit in one of the apartments, watching TV,reading,etc, all made-up,dressed and ready for work). Some owners let the girls go out for a meal or shopping during the shift, but they want them close by and not to be gone for long, thus making “now” bookings possible for clients.
As our business is never “non-stop” or every hour on the hour, often apartments are unused for stretches of time. Enterprising owners offer them at hourly rate to independent girls. It’s a win/win situation for both: girl gets nice fully furnished and equipped premises without having to spend a dime in advance (she only pays when her client has showed up and handed her the money) or sign the lease and the owner gets additional revenue out of expensive real estate that otherwise would sit idle. It also enables private girls to take early bookings,as hotels would normally not check you in until 1pm (usually 2pm), so to see a client at,say, 10 am, you need to pay for TWO nights (the night before, so you’re there at 10 am and the following night,as most hotels require 10 am check-out), which ends up being quite costly, while with agency apartment the going rate is $50/hr.
If a “private” girl has arrangements with several agencies, premises availability is prety much guaranteed at any time,as if one is not available, the others probably would be.
Really good agencies would have “working premises” that are just that: they are for bookings only, no one lives or stays there. I like that, as to me it looks very professional.
It is not a good idea,in my opinion, for a “private” girl to work from the place where she lives. A friend of mine who did that got raped. Granted, rape could’ve occurred under any circumstances, but I do believe her working from her flat was one of the contributing factors.
It also might betray personal info that most girls wouldn’t want client to know (photos of kids and family, accidentally  left out bills with her real name, etc).
It might invite potential stalkers (a guy can sit in the car and watch her comings and goings and figure out her routine as well as who her friends and family are-happenned to me) not to mention some clueless guys who don’t think twice about turning up at her doorstep un-announced wanting a booking.
So back to the misconception re. difference between “private” girls and brothels/agencies: as in those places girls come in for a certain shift and sit around waiting for a booking, it is quite possible for a guy to call and say he is coming “now” or just walk in.
The reason “private” girls choose to work privately is so they can have more flexibilty. They don’t, in fact, sit around all made-up and dressed to the ninth all day . Instead, they go about their daily routine. When someone calls and wants a booking, they need to keep in mind that, at the very least, the girl needs time to get to location of “working” accomodation, not to mention a few minutes to get ready and set-up the room. So “now” would hardly ever work with “private” escort. The only time it would is if you happen to call just as she was finishing with her last booking, still on the premises.
Besides, in my opinion, the reason a client wants a ”private” girl is for relaxed, un-rushed experience, often anticipated for days.
Personally, the reason I went “private” is because I’ve decided I only want to see one or two clients a day, on the average: I no longer wanted crazy,busy, “revolving door”, train-station atmosphere. I’ve worked hard all my life and was able to secure some financial independence, so I am doing this job to maintain my lifestyle.
I take plenty of time out for theater, shopping, eating out, spending time with friends and travelling.
As I have no debt and no bad habits (drugs,smoking,drinking) or partner/kids to support, I don’t require huge earnings. Besides, I’ve invested wisely and do have some passive income.
So when I see a client these days, I am rested, in a good mood, not in any hurry and it makes for much more pleasant encounter.
I am glad I’ve done all the “legwork” and laid the foundation, as it makes things a lot easier: NZ is small, clients do read posts,blogs,etc and a lot of people have a pretty good idea of what I’m all about, so when they book me, they make an informed choice. It also eliminates all the disappointing and unpleasant bookings (for both parties).
Working  privately is not for everyone: it requires certain degree of organisation, discipline and, yes, substancial amount of money to get going (or even to keep going when you happen to have a slow week). Some girls do better in a structured environment, where things are set up for them and someone “nudges” them along.
I am very happy with my decision and am grateful for support and advice of my friends and mentors who shared their experience and knowledge with me. You know who you are and I appreciate the generosity of your spirit- knowledge is power and in our industry it is sometimes more precious than gold!

X

There are serious predators out there-they are like great big sharks-slowly cruising the murky waters and methodically choosing their victims. Their cons involve planning and certain brazenness. They are not without a skill. They choose the industry that is illegal in most countries and un-regulated in others, so that the victim has no recourse and can’t file a complaint with the police.

First story involves myself-it happened in Las Vegas quite a few years back.
I was still very young and somewhat naive (not entirely, but I definitely didn’t have the experience and knowledge I have today).
I just started working for a new agency: it was a husband-and-wife business, which they run from their home (as prostitution in Las Vegas is ILLEGAL, all agencies are “outcall” ONLY, which means that all you need to start one is a phone,some girls “on call” and a newspaper ad).
The people who owned the agency had a clever gimmick-they were advertising nude cleaning service, which was perfectly legal. It was implied that sexual services could be obtained from the provider at additional cost.
I’ve talked about how tedious it was to work in Vegas before: agencies would only discuss “companionship” or, in this case, “cleaning services” with  clients, making sure they never spoke of sex for money. So it was up to us, girls, to go to the location and negotiate services and fees (all of which were in addition to what agency already quoted the guy-we didn’t get ANY cut of that). This way agencies were always “in the clear” with the police and us,girls, were under constant threat of arrest by undercover cop-it was nerve racking.
Anyway, I’ve done a couple of jobs for that outfit and it was OK-some guy actually had me clean his bloody bathroom for real (and it was disgusting,too) before we moved on to “sex” aspect of the booking..

So one day  the owner calls me and tells me that he was contacted by a limo driver who is driving around a “whale” (Las Vegas term for a big spender). Limo driver is trying to arrange a multi-hour booking for his client in one of the major Las Vegas hotels.
Apparently, that “limo driver” called several times and gave information in little bits and pieces.
Long story short, it was requested that the girl was “intelligent”,”well-educated and well-mannered”, “able to carry  a conversation on a variety of subjects”… I’ll come back to this particular bit later, but most conmen of that ilk ask for intelligent,educated girls-there is a reason for that-it’s the way they structure their cons, it requires certain level of intelligence for the girl to “buy into it”,as strange as it sounds.
The guy then proceeded to tell the owner that a hotel room should be booked by either agency or the girl herself (he didn’t care which),as the “whale” is quite famous and well-known and he is staying in another hotel, but cannot have girls seen coming into his room and cannot just go into a hotel himself and book a basic room-it’ll raise questions.
OK, so I was told by the owner to book a room (even back then I’ve always been savvy with my money and investments and had a fairly high-limit credit card, so it wasn’t a problem).
There I was, in the room at the Treasure Island Hotel,waiting for the “whale” to turn up. In the meantime, the “limo driver” has called the owner again and requested that a package of cigarettes of specific brand was waiting in the room. The owner purchased  and delivered it to my room. More phone calls ensued, more hype was build up, more talk of how extremely important the client was,the booking was postponed, but then I heard the knock on the door.
Now, by then I’ve been with my share of different clients and I know wealth when I see it (the way the clothes are cut, brands of watches,whether or not they fake,etc).
The guy who entered the room did NOT look like a “whale” to me. At all.
He wore ill-fitting (JC Penney bought,probably) black pants, white shirt and no jacket. Immediately upon entering the room he started grabbing,fondling and kissing  me (right by the door). He had his hand in my panties inside 10 seconds!
I was trying to be coy and telling him to make his way to the bed-which he did eventually only to get straight into sex.
The policy is always to collect the money first and this was a multi-hour booking, presumably, so a lot of money was involved.
As the guy didn’t give me a chance to discuss anything, much less collect the money BEFORE we had sex, I breached the subject right after.
He explained that he doesn’t want to “nickle-and-dime” and will pay me in the end “for everything”,as he was too afraid to carry such a large sum with him to some hotel room to meet unknown prostitute-what if it was a set-up and I had my “pimp” laying in wait and all we wanted to do is rob him (it all made perfect sense,too).
We talked for a while-he told me about his family,his children and grandchildren (I think parts of that were actually true). He appeared to be relaxed and not in any hurry. He didn’t ask for more sex, either. All of that prompted me to relax as well-although I had a funny little gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach, I thought  maybe I was being paranoid.
Guy asked for the cigarettes he requested, and in about an hour asked me to go downstairs to the shops  with him (most major Las Vegas Hotels have some sort of shopping mall on the ground level).
While in the shops, he selected some items for his grandchildren and asked me to pay for those, citing, again, not bringing his wallet in fear of being robbed and saying that all the money will be paid at the end of booking. He said it would be delivered in a briefcase by his trusted limo driver, who’s been driving him for over a decade every time he came to Vegas.
After the shopping expedition he wanted to eat. Again, plenty of restaurants right there, on the ground level. He wanted to go into a very expensive Steak House, but I pointed out that we are not likely to get a table this late without a reservation. He still wanted to try and get in, but, sure enough-they didn’t have any tables for us.
So we ended up in the coffee shop (no reservation required) which is still pretty nice at the Treasure Island.
By then I knew that I was , most likely, duped, and this guy is full of shit. But he kept on spinning the web and was pretty convincing.
At the end of the dinner I’ve decided to go with my gut feeling-I knew I should cut my losses. Besides, I wasn’t sure how he would react if I tried to confront him-he was a pretty big dude and people act differently when cornered-I didn’t want to get hurt.
So I’ve paid the bill and told him that I was going to the bathroom (bathrooms were in the main casino area, outside of the restaurant). Instead, I run into the garage, got in my car and high-tailed it out of there.
He never called the agency to find out where his “escort” was,etc-funny that.
At the end of the day, I was out a little more than $400 and I had sex with some slimy dude for free.
Clearly, there never was any “limo driver”-the guy was calling the agency himself, trying to build a convincing plot. He also chose a small agency vs. one of the bigger ones, as those would probably look for him and do him some harm.
At the end of the day, even if I could go to the police, what would I say: I did have sex with him willingly, he certainly didn’t rape me, I did pay for the purchases myself and signed the credit card receipt in my own hand…
Later, after talking to some other girls, I found out that that same guy was “making rounds” with several other agencies and private girls.
The agency agreed to “split” the damage with me and gave me half of what I’ve spent (but nothing for the actual service I provided to that scumbag)..
But at least I got off lightly- my friend who lives in Australia wasn’t so lucky. And now we come to story number two.
It began much the same: the parlour where my friend worked received a number of calls from the guy who had a lot of requirements: intelligent,well-educated girl, capable of conversation,etc,etc. He wanted “outcall” to one of the nicest (and most popular) hotels in Melbourne (those who live there or visited would know exactly which one I mean).
Again, the guy kept calling and building himself up. Finally, the manager called my friend (who happens to be highly intelligent, educated, successful,etc) into the office, gave her guy’s number and told her to talk to him. She also told my friend to keep it a secret from other girls. I know that manager and I believe that she genuinely was trying to do something nice for my friend, a “reward” of sorts,as Kate (my friend) is very popular, has a huge following of regulars and makes the parlour a good deal of money.
As this “encounter” was to take place outside of the parlour, nothing would be “on the books” and Kate could potentially have a nice chunk of change in her bank account.
So Kate rang the guy and met him in executive, “members only” lounge of that particular hotel. Straight away, she knew that he doesn’t really look the part of a wealthy businessman-his Rolex was fake, to begin with and his clothes didn’t seem that expensive.
But he “talked the talk”-told her about his investments (vague outline, nothing specific) and his phone kept on ringing and he would tell someone on the other end of the line to “just sell it” or engage in what seemed like a serious business negotiations. He even got into argument with a waitress,as he wanted to be seated at a particular table and wouldn’t take “No” for an answer (table was reserved).
He proceeded to tell Kate that he was actually looking for PA (personal assistant) who can handle his business affairs and who was willing to provide sexual services as well, as he was “too busy for nonsense”-so basically needed ”all-in-one” package deal.
He told her that she would be provided with a company car and an expense account. He even asked her what sort of car she preferred (colour, make and model).
Eventually, he asked Kate to book a room in that hotel (same excuse-too well-known,busy,blah,blah,blah). She did as requested. No sooner had they entered the room, he had sex with her. He then promptly fell asleep.
His phone kept ringing in the meantime and Kate wasn’t sure whether or not she should answer it-she WAS hired as a PA,after all…
After an hour or so the guy woke up and they’ve decided that he’d call her tomorrow to “set everything up”. No money exchanged hands,as it was understood that she would get paid salary and expenses once they ironed out the details.
The next day Kate wasn’t sure what to do: should she go to work at the parlour or should she wait for the guy to ring?… He finally rang, in the afternoon, saying that he just “dinged his Jag” and could she pick him up from a body shop. She did so (he was waiting for her outside). He then received more phone calls-one of them supposedly from his sister, whom he needed to see. He asked Kate if he could have her car while his was being repaired. She said no, as she needed her car to get around-she didn’t have another one.
The guy then suggested they “sit down somewhere” and discuss the details of her employment. But before they did that, he had her drive him into “his” bank to take some money out, “for expenses”. Then they went to a cafe.
In a cafe he proceeded to tell her that since she’d be given a  company car, she had to produce a bond, to “secure the asset”-after all, he hardly knew her and she could just drive away to never be seen again (it all made sense). While having that discussion, he carefully asked various questions re. her friends and family situation (divorced and single), her approximate worth (she is not poor), her previous “legitimate” employment (she was a manager for a very big and very serious company),etc. It was very cleverly done, all under disguise of “employment assessment”.
Finally, the guy declared that she would need to pay $20K (yes, twenty THOUSAND) as a bond.
You have to understand, these people have certain abilities, they are not amateurs. Writing this, it seems so obvious that the situation was extremely dodgy, but if you’d been there, you’d understand that it was not so “cut and dry”-it’s almost as if these guys “put a spell on you”. You know something is not quite right, but you can’t put your finger on it and you don’t want to look stupid and miss out on a good opportunity. Also, after a while, you feel that you are in danger, as well, physical danger.
Anyway, they went to Kate’s bank. The guy was waiting outside while Kate went in. She remembers asking for $20K cash withdrawal and, of course, manager had to be called. It so happened that Kate knew that particular manager personally and she remembers her (the manager) asking her if she was SURE she wanted to take such a large sum out in cash (Kate just sold her house, that’s why the money was in her account). Kate gave a feeble excuse, saying that she was buying a new car. She told me she felt she was in danger if she didn’t give the guy the money. After some consideration, she did ask for $15K instead.
She took the money, carefully packaged in a bag for her and got in the car. The guy told her to drive him to his “office” (he gave her a very well known posh business building address smack in the middle of Melbourne CBD which houses hundreds of offices). He said he just needed to drop her bond off at the office, so his secretary can get “the ball rolling”-he told her not to park, but rather just wait for him at the curb with the car on idle. “I’ll be back in 2 min” were his last words. She’s never seen him or her $15K again.
Quite a few months later she got a call from the police: apparently, the guy was caught (he perpetrated similar scams all over Australia) and they were calling all the numbers they could find on his cellphone to identify victims or possible accomplices.
Kate was asked to testify and the guy was subsequently locked up. Kate had to go into protective custody for a few years (as no one was sure whether or not that guy operated alone or if he had accomplices) and had to conceal her personal details.

These stories are not unique or isolated incidents: crimes perpetrated against sex workers are many,as we are often perceived as “easy prey”.

Over time,the meaning has evolved. “Courtesan” these days is someone who fine-tunes the oldest profession and provides services that go above and beyond of those of regular prostitute.

Courtesans take meticulous care of themselves: they stay in shape,do their hair,nails,toes. They dress with care and alluringly (not to be confused with trashy). They are often very well educated (I myself have a dual Master’s and I know of other Ladies who hold Doctorate degrees), so they can hold an intelligent conversation on variety of topics. They readily familiar with fine dining and etiquette.

Most importantly,they have that fine-tuned sense of what any particular client wants on any given day. And THAT what separates them from the rest of the crowd.

It is quite an art,as these ladies meet the client for the first time and only have 5-10 min to “gauge” what it is he needs the most at the moment: it could be a “quick fix”, fast and intence,with no conversation at all or, on the opposite side of the spectrum, nothing but conversation and anything in between.

Courtesans train themselves (as there is no apprenticeship program in Western world for this profession) to become what the person needs the most for that hour or two. A lot of clients become absolutely fascinated and addicted-and its no surprise,as true courtesan has the ability to “play” into one’s fantasy and make the client believe it’s all real.

Sometimes it leads to problems,as clients become attracted to that non-existent person.. It is a high-wire balancing act for the Lady to “sell” the fantasy, yet not to “oversell” it.

My dream was to be a stewardess (or,more politically correct,flight attendant). Back then in Russia (my country of origin) the screening process for Aeroflot was held about once every 2 months at the Regional Aeroflot Headquarters. I was just 17 (required age was 18),but I didn’t tell interview panel that. I passed the “look-see” and “Q&A” stage and next was medical,which was really most important of them all: if you failed that, no amount of good looks or education would get you the job.

I passed the medical and was able to sweet talk HR person into accepting me,as my 18th birthday was just a few month away. I was so thrilled!

That job is where I’ve met Nellie-she became my friend and “mentor” in so many ways. She was 10 years older and so so much more experienced.

After we were friends for a few months, she asked me if I’ve ever had sex for money. The answer was “no” and the next logical question was if I would like to…

To put this into perspective, back then in Russia, your average engineer was making about $100-$120 ROUBLES a month.. Average office worker about $80-$90 roubles a month..

Going rate for a Working Girl was $200 roubles per appointment (which often lasted less than an hour). Surely, you can see how that was so very tempting.

Back then prostitution was very much illegal in Russia and punishable by jail term, as Communist Government declared that “there is no prostitution in Russia”.. Yeah, right..LOL..

As the country was very much old fashioned back then, the profession was not at all accepted by society at large and frowned upon by most. Add to that the fact that Internet and cellphones were non-existent still and you can see how it was all hush-hush, very secretive, word-of-the-mouth only and only from trusted friends/associates.

The way it was done, one working girl would “recruit” a friend,as only really wealthy people could afford the services-usually members of The Communist Party, high-powered officials,etc. and it had to be kept a secret,for all concerned benefit.

They would send chauffeured government cars to pick us up discreetly, or we’ll meet them at designated location (safe house of its kind) and a very nice dinner will ensue, at the end of which all the couples will adjourn into the bedrooms to “do the deed”. The “deed” itself never took long,not really.

Very often we would be given presents as well as cash: french perfume (much coveted in Russia back then,as it was NOT sold in the stores-black market only and it cost accordingly),chocolates etc.

We would be driven home (or wherever we wanted to be dropped off) afterwards.

It was all kind of exciting and thrilling: the whole secrecy bit, the vast amounts of money. Yes, it was unpleasant and outright disgusting at times, but even as a youngster, I had a very realistic,if not jaded outlook on life and knew that there is no such thing as “free lunch”: if you wanted to have nice things and make a lot of money and,most importantly, BE INDEPENDENT, in a world where males dominated the workforce and women were nothing more than a pretty “backdrop” and bearers of children, you had to find the way to use this mindset to your advantage,as fighting it would prove fruitless and frustrating.

I honed that ability over the years and, I have to be honest, have not regretted going down that path

Sex appeal is something intangible-it can’t be described, it can’t be taught, I don’t even think it can be acquired. You either posses it or you don’t. And it has very little to do with physical beauty.

For years I worked in one of the oldest and biggest strip clubs in Las Vegas-Olympic Gardens. The place was open 24/7. It was (and probably still is) owned by Pete The Greek,who later went on to open Sapphire.

Here’s how it worked. All girls were considered independent contractors. If you wanted to work there, you first had to obtain what is called “Sheriff’s Card” from Las Vegas Metropolitan Police. They took your fingerprints and run your record to check that you didn’t have prior arrests. If you had any arrests or outstanding warrants, you didn’t get the card and simply couldn’t work in Las Vegas,as all the hotel jobs and many others required Sheriff’s Card as well.

The card had your name and photo on it. It was quite an ordeal to get it, as hundreds of people flock to Vegas in hopes of getting jobs every day and they all discover they need to go to Police department first. You can’t make an appointment, so it’s live queue and you better get there before opening at 9 am,as the wait could be as long as 5-6 hours.

With your freshly laminated Sheriff’s Card you then make your way to the Manager on Duty of the club.

For a long time Olympic Gardens was by far the most prestigious and popular and they NEVER,EVER had to advertise for girls. Girls came in by a dozen every day asking to work there. That’s where managers had a lot of fun.

To work at OG (Olympic Gardens) or any other strip club in Las Vegas, for that matter, the girl has to pay “shift fee” up front when she turns up for work. Those vary depending on the time of day. As night time brings in more punters,it is considered more profitable, so shift fee is $60-$80. Day time used to free for a number of years and then became $20. Also, if you want to stay off stage, you had to pay another $25.

Contrary to popular believe, going up on stage does not really bring any serious money to the stripper-you are put on DJ’s roster and he just calls the names in order they are listed, giving you 1 song advance notice. You go up and dance a set of 3 songs:full costume first song,and down to your G-string for the second and third. You get some dollar bills thrown at you or put in your G-string by punters sitting by the stage (if any). You might end up with about $15-$20 (if you’re lucky) at the end of the set. It is also customary to tip the DJs at the end of your shift-they expect it,in fact.

On the other hand, lap dances are $20 per song and if punter buys what is commonly referred to as a “set”- 5 dances in a row, stripper pockets $100 for 15-20 min worth of dancing. So if you’re in the middle of a “set” and you hear DJ calling you on stage, you’d have to go and, quite possibly, loose this particular client to another dancer,thus loosing $20-$60. If you ignore DJ and don’t go on stage when called, you will be fined $40, so it is a prudent decision to pay $25 in advance to stay off DJ’s roster.

However, that means that you’re out of pocket $100 straight off the bat without any guarantee of making any money whatsoever.

With this set-up, it is clear that there is no limit as to how many girls can work every day/shift,as it is win/win situation for the establishment: the more girls, the more $$$ and more punters want to come in and browse the “merchandise”(punters are charged a “door fee” as well and they buy booze, which is where REAL profits are). To put it in  perspective, Spearmin Rhino Strip club in Las Vegas has 3 bars and it’s gross revenue is 3 million a month.

But that’s not what the managers usually tell wannabe strippers knocking at the door. Depending on the manager’s mood and personal preferences, they tell them that they “have enough girls at the moment”, that they are “looking for a different type right now” and to “try later”. It doesn’t mean that managers attempt to sleep with every girl that walks in the door in order for her to get a job, but it is a common occurrence.

Sometimes managers just don’t like the way girl looks/talks/walks… Sometimes they are too lazy to bother with paperwork right at that moment… I know some very pretty  girls who tried to get on OG’s roster repeatedly and were repeatedly turned down for no apparent reason. And others who walked through the door and started working that day,although their looks didn’t amount to much.

Once the girls got changed in the dressing room, they go on the floor and the hunt begins. Customers sit at the tables and on the little couches and booths that line the walls and girls just go up and ask if the guy wants a dance (meaning lap dance). There could be 5-15 girls on the floor during the day and as much as 300 (yes, 300) during the night. Competition is fierce and the guys know it.

Usually just asking for a dance will not  get you anywhere. You’d have to sit and chat with the guy for a few minutes,trying to get him interested. Often it involves lightly rubbing his cock through his pants and sticking your boobs into his face. Anything to get him to buy a dance. It’s a very delicate balance,as you don’t want to do too much for free (or let him grab you everywhere) and you don’t want to waste too much time on it,either, as time is $$ and you’re not making any unless you’re doing a paid-for lap dance, but if you don’t get him interested, he won’t buy a dance and you’ll walk away empty handed.

That’s when you really see how beauty doesn’t necessarily amount to much and sex appeal means everything. I’ve seem some truly gorgeous girls with awesome bodies getting turned down again and again and some rather plain looking (or even quite un-attractive) chicks getting dance after dance. I think sex-appeal is combination of charisma,personality,presentation,ability to sense what a particular individual wants/needs at the moment. Yes, looks to a degree, but very minor.

Some beautiful girl strolls into the club thinking she is “all that” and often times that reflects in her approach to the customer and her attitude. As a rule, punters don’t like that. They are there to fulfil their dream,whatever that might be. They also believe that they are doing us a favour by spending their money (very male approach, but it is exactly how they view it) and they can care less about the dancer-it’s all about them.

So a girl who can in 15 minute’s time (about 3 songs) figure out what it is the guy after AND play into his fantasy and make him believe that she is just what he wants will get the $$$. It is not as easy as it sounds.

You also have to separate fantasy from reality in your own head,as often times the guys who come into the clubs are lonely and, yes, they want a relationship of sorts. It is a very dangerous wire act,as I’ve known a lot of cases where a stripper played into that and, in guys mind, they were a “couple” when in her mind, he was just another punter with $$$. This scenario always ends badly. From stalking to actual murder. Yes, murder and suicide.

This job is not for everyone. It messes with your head. You have to be very much self-assured, secure and mature to do this day after day.

Imagine being in the club, barely dressed, for 2 hours, approaching guy after guy just to get turned down and seeing other girls doing dance after dance. You begin to think that something is wrong with YOU, you start to doubt your looks, your personality,your conversational skills.. You go and change your outfit and still nothing. Sometimes you just need to leave and start fresh the next day.

On the other hand, some young and unexperienced girls would make $2000/night for a couple of nights and think that it will always be like that. They’d blow it all in a couple of days on booze/drugs/shopping and then get a “bad day” as described above. Huge blow to self-confidence and ego!

As a dancer, you have to be weary of the guys that shower you with compliments and flattery-often times they just want to sleep with you for free or, even worth, try to get you to be their girlfriend and have you support them and their suddenly lavish lifestyle. Sadly, I’ve seen so many girls fall into that trap.

This job is not for the weak or faint of heart, that’s for sure

I’ve seen too many of my female friends and acquaintances loose their identity in their husbands/boyfriends and become completely dependent on them. As a result, when those husbands/boyfriends betrayed them and left them for “newer model” they were completely lost, unable to support themselves financially and had no marketable skills.
I was never going to be one of those women. Ever.
The job actually enabled me to achieve my career goals,as it provided enough income while I was studying and setting myself up in business.
The reason I was able to continue in this business for so long is that I always kept the boundaries between “work” and “real life” clear. There was never any blurring or interloping.
People ask me if it is hard for me as a lesbian  provide sexual services for men. It’s not any harder or easier than doing any other job.
Look at it this way: when I was a waitress or even a Realtor, some days I absolutely did not relish the thought of going into work, never mind actually interacting with customers. Yet I put on my uniform and make-up and went through the service and no one was the wiser.
That’s what professionalism is-you don’t “cowboy” your way through the job. You take time to learn how to do it well, every nuance,lay out a plan in you head and design the steps. And then you just do it step by step, going through the motions until you perfect your trade. After you’ve done it enough times, you can do it on “auto pilot”,without even thinking much about it. It is the mark of a true professional. That and ability to cope with unexpected situations and come up with split-second solutions, which comes with experience.
It does not mean that I go about doing the job mechanically. Not at all. That is all part of being a true courtesan-you make the client believe,you play into his fantasy. But once he is gone and the job is over, I am in a completely different world and a completely different person.
You also need to recognise when to take time off, because it IS very hard work and it affects you both physically and mentally. Some days I feel as if not only my body, but my mind is tired as well.
To be successful in this field, one needs to be disciplined and organised,as you are self-employed. It is so easy not to go to work,first for a day,then several,then a week.. And then you have no money to pay the rent/bills and you rush in,needing to make several hundred dollars and, sure enough, it is a “bad day” and you can’t make any money.
That’s why it is so important to put money away, to budget,to plan for a “bad” day,even “bad” week.
As I grew up in Soviet Russia,where back in the day we didn’t have credit system at all and all the salaries were paid in cash bi-weekly, I’ve learned how to budget and save early on: if you run out of cash back then, you couldn’t charge anything or use overdraft (those facilities simply didn’t exist), so you simply had to go without until the next payday. This helped me a lot: I’ve always had money put away and never,ever went to work desperately needing to make a certain amount.
I also think that clients can “smell” desperation, just like animals can smell fear and they will shamelessly take advantage given half a chance,bargaining the prices down and asking for “extras” for free or at a discount price.
As time went on, I also found the Job rewarding in several aspects. Sometimes I really helped lonely guys. Yes, they wanted sex, but more than anything they wanted companionship.
For a couple of years when I lived in Vegas I went to see this 68-year old named Jim. I met him at Olympic Gardens. He lived in Mesquite (about 45 min drive from Las Vegas) and he couldn’t really afford much, but I actually enjoyed his company and was willing to make a trip for $200. I usually did it on my day off, so there was no revenue lost. We’d have a couple of drinks, dinner sometimes, conversation. Sex itself didn’t take long. Jim died unexpectedly of a heart attack (NOT while having sex with me
At times I felt I was helping clients maintain a healthy marriage. As I was always clear that this is just a job, I had some very loyal regulars who really appreciated that. They knew I would never want to date or marry them in “real” life, I would never attempt to blackmail them or try to tell their wives what they were up to. Those were sexless marriages, where they stayed together for the sake of the kids or because divorce was too expensive,or because the passion was long gone, but people still have respect for each other and wanted to be together, but there was not even a trace of romance left.
Some of those clients I’ve had for years and they trusted me enough to buy properties from me to add to their investment portfolio and even introduce me to their wives (as their Realtor,of course).
As time went by, I also found a certain degree of satisfaction in having control over men. Shortly after I started as a “pro”, I realised that men are absolutely driven by their penises. Wanting sex (and lots of it) is all-consuming obsession for them. They plan their entire days/itineraries around getting sex. They are willing to pay a lot of money for it. When they have a hard-on,there are very few things they WON’T do in order to satisfy the urge. They also have what I call “a point of no return”-that’s when the satisfaction is within their reach,it’s palpable and all the blood has rushed from their head to their penis and they can’t think of nothing else. Good example of that is famous arrest of Hugh Grant with Hollywood street walker )
Yes, I freely admit I used men. But I was always honest and upfront. It was always a business transaction,whether it involved money or other favours/services.
But then, women have used sex and sexuality as currency since time immemorial-I didn’t invent the concept.
NEVER,EVER would I entrap men by trying to get pregnant or secretly videotaping the encounter or any other such nonsense. I don’t believe in it and absolutely despise women that do it. With me they could always count on straight forward transaction and they always knew what to expect.
That’s why I am still friends with many of my past clients,although I live half the world away from them now.